Getting Laid
Off – that’s what I meant – getting laid off. Though one of the upsides of getting laid off is that you have a lot more time to get laid. Provided you can maintain your self-esteem and hygiene to a level acceptable by other humans. Six days without a shower and in the same stained sweats may leave you at the same pre-laid off frequency of getting laid.
My initial concern was not getting laid, but reducing my own payroll, ASAP. So I laid off the babysitter and the housekeeper and considered laying off the lawn guys until I thought about how I handled myself around a cotton candy machine. I decided that the lawn guys are one service worth their weight in limbs not lost. They’ve got job security in our household.
My daughter has decided that I should start writing young adult fiction, though when it comes to writing fiction, I prefer horror. She insists that I write a horsey story. I think there’s a way to combine the two, though maybe not for the 9-11 set.
My middle son was very worried and wanted to know how many thousands of dollars less we’ll have. Youngest son was thrilled to learn that I would take him to school, pick him up from school and be available at all times to search for lost things. My prediction? Within two weeks I’ll be stationed at my bedroom window with the kids’ bb gun and a thermos of coffee, shooting at the rabbits when they try to eat my vegetable garden. Just to scare ’em.
the never-ending saga of my mouth
Don’t get too excited — it’s not what you think. What it is, is my ongoing relationship with all sorts of teeth, gum and jawbone docs. Today, I spent the first of many $1200 installments on gum surgery. First step was cutting the little piece of flesh that connects my lower lip to my lower gums. Apparently, it’s been pulling my gums away from my teeth for 45+ years. Apparently, this is unacceptable and has been the cause of my extremely, super-severe tooth sensitivity which prevents me from eating anything cold, cool or even room temp. The up side? After the snipping and the sewing (12 stitches) my lower lip was slightly swollen, in the most wonderful, puffy and insouciant way. Not quite Angelina Jolie-esque, but most certainly not my usual waspy no lip way. The down side? Once again, I ignored the “surgery” portion of this procedure and didn’t realize how much it would hurt until I started walking back to work and realized that the pain was radiating throughout my body with every footfall. Lucky for me, I had scheduled a full day of meetings. My good judgment shines through again! And what is that little piece of flesh that I just had snipped called?
snoeberry 