Last night, my daughter, who is germophobic, arachnophobic, malodorous-aphobic and paranoid – all by her own admission – decided she would freshen the air in the bathroom before she took her shower. She loved the scent of the Voluspa Paheri Mango Leaf spray so much that she wanted to share it with her brother. So she sprayed him directly in the eyes – murderous screaming ensued, followed by anguished cries of pain. I was responsible for the murderous screaming, of course. After washing out kid #2’s eyes and installing him on the couch with a damp cloth over his eyes, I sat down to write the no-homework-done excuse note – “Sorry, Mr Teacher, kid 2 couldn’t do his homework because he was temporarily blinded when his sister inadvertently (maybe not so inadvertently) sprayed him in the eyes with air freshener. Not sure why she thought bro smelled through his eyes, but whatevs.
I can find solace in the fact that my husband wrote an even more ridiculous excuse note (and daughter videotaped it as proof). It went something like this – “my daughter was unable to do her social studies homework as her brother threw her social studies book at her other brother’s head and then we were unable to find said book.” Huh? How did throwing the book at kid 3’s head cause it to instantly de-materialize? Clearly, I was not home that night.