I’m Fancy!

My first fox hunt — Belle Meade Hunt Club in Thomson, Georgia — very fancy.  I learned lots of fancy new things, like you don’t call them dogs, they’re hounds.  Unless they’re male hounds and then they are dogs.  So instead of saying hound dog, e.g. hound male, I guess we should be saying dog hound, e.g. male hound.  Anyway, the females are just bitches, but you knew that.  You don’t hunt in a particular area or piece of land, it’s a territory.  The territory that is across the street and which is five steps away from you is different from the territory you’re currently in.  Don’t say, “this is a beautiful place to ride,” say, “this is lovely territory.”  Are we on some sort of Williams and Clark expedition?  Flasks and sandwich pouches are mandatory and while I’ve never seen so many flasks in all my life, I did not see a single sam’ich.  I think those pouches hold more flasks.  Yes, you must share your flask, communicable diseases be damned.  Guess we’re all counting on the alcohol to kill those nasty germs.  Refreshment truck arrived mid-hunt, carrying beer and bourbon.  Nothing for the horses, hounds or tee-totalers.  One of the hounds was loaded into the truck, hurt paw or too slow or some sort of thing.  As we galloped away, we were invited to toss our beer cans into the bed of the truck.  One of the Yankees in our party did not have the greatest aim —  nailed the hound on the noggin — he yowled as Coors Light dripped down his snout.  Belle Meade is fancy, but we, clearly, are not.